I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
