I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
