It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
