I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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