In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
