this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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