Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
