Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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