I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
