I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
