Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
