You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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