singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
