i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize