Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Rumble strips road head = magical
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
