It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
