I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
