His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
