do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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