There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
