Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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