i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
