the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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