the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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