So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
