Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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