i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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