He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.