Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's not a walk of shame if you run