I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.