Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule