You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just tell him i said nine months
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.