My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
