How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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