I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
