home. puking in laundry basket.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
