At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
