During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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