Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
