So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
farters have to be the big spoon...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
