So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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