Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hippo gnu deer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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