Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
