I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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