As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
