nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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