my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
