I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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