Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
