THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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