can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
