I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There's even glitter on my cock...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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