what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
