am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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