there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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