i wish my penis had a tongue
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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