Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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