why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
