OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
