there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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