Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
