Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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