He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
