i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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