Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so explain again why im purple
no
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
