we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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