Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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