every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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