now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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