Someone shit on the floor
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
