Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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