I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
