do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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